Early Life
At first, I was thoroughly confused with where I wanted to go in life. I had NO DIRECTION in life. I had NO PLANS for my future. I was carrying myself in the wind. I eventually went to college, delayed a semester, but then dropped out for about a year. Still confused, thoroughly naive and a blind sense of invincibility on my shoulder. All the habits and the learned behaviors would surely carry me through the next 4 years of my bachelor’s degree. I WAS SO MISTAKEN! While I double majored in BIOLOGY & PSCYHOLOGY, (Bachelor’s of Science degree), I found myself suffering from lack of ability to manage the WORKLOAD and the EXPECTATIONS of others.
After about my first semester, I decided to get involved in different things, such as Quillen COM Internship, Senator in Student Government and Chair of student funding department, Volunteer Coordinator at Here and Now Motherhood (matresence Yoga Class) and working in a research lab for Cardiovascular Physiology. I was highly involved, but still felt like I was unable to MANAGE everything that was thrown at me. Needless to say, I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree. Still unsure, and not by any means ready to go to medical school, I opted for graduate program in Biology: Biomedical Sciences.
“I’m a simple quote. On the Internet, people can make up quotes about anybody.”
Abraham Lincoln
NExt Chapters
This was the DARKEST TIME of MY LIFE. This is where those MENTAL ILLNESSES started presenting themselves. I had started SEEING A THERAPIST in UNDERGRADUATE school to deal with NEGATIVE COPING MECHANISMS, heavy drinking and dysfunction. In graduate school, I was TESTED HARDER than ever before, more scrutinized. This was no longer just sliding by with my personality and natural gifts. This was HARD WORK, work that if you didn’t finish you didn’t graduate!
This was the time I feel into SEVERE DEPRESSION, suffered from SEVERE ANXIETY and truly realized all the things I thought I had together turned out to be poorly PATCHED WITH DUCK TAPE. The systems and habits I had in place, were in the least, INEFFECTIVE, if not DESTRUCTIVE behaviors that sabotaged me at my earliest convenience. I found myself UNSTABLE and DYSFUNCTIONAL, unable to have a STABLE RELATIONSHIP, and LONELY, lonelier than I had ever been. No one else seemed to UNDERSTAND MY STRUGGLE. Grad school was dark, cold, and suffocating.
While I enjoyed some components of TEACHING UNDERGRADUATE students, I found the research, lack of organization, and COMPREHENSION of the TOTALITY of my project to be overwhelming, on top of LEARNING TECHNIQUES & SKILLS. I wasn’t THRIVING–I wasn’t set up that way by my SELF, my ENVIRONMENT, my RELATIONSHIPS, nor my true MOTIVATION for being here. I was an UNALIGNED vehicle trying to get from destination A to destination B, and the car ONLY turned in CIRCLES.
Evolution of my life
I moved on and got a traveling position and started making a little over 6-figures a year. I was FINANCIALLY ILLITERATE, and wasting all the money that came my way. I was NOT SET UP TO SUCCEED, I was meant to FAIL. These realizations really took me into a spiral, and the work was more than necessary. I took this ALONE TIME to really investigate WHO I AM and WHAT I WANT. I have always been very intelligent, naturally, but when you FAIL TO NURTURE YOUR GIFTS, you’ll end up wasting them.
“I’m a simple quote. On the Internet, people can make up quotes about anybody.”
Abraham Lincoln
I was on A MISSION to discover myself more fully than I had over the years. By doing the GROUNDWORK with childhood trauma, I was able to piece things together and have more clarity about what serves me and doesn’t.
